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Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall…

Many of us dread walking past mirrors in shops, at certain times of the month or even week. We might feel bloated or may even have gained a few pounds after a very undisciplined weekend (let’s face it – we do tend to relax a little at the weekends; it takes a certain steely determination to stick rigidly to a healthy eating plan!).

The mirror is rather unforgiving, as is the camera. It determines how we view ourselves and can often determine our mood for the day. I have often thought I was doing well with a weight loss plan and expected to look a bit trimmer, only to see a photo someone had taken of me and be transported straight back to reality!!! Or when you know what you look like in your own mirror and then pass one in a shop and feel you look half a stone heavier – It can be soooo disheartening!!

When that happens, you can react 2 ways;

  1. Feel sorry for yourself & adopt the attitude of “I’ve been trying so hard and it’s just not showing!” so resume bad habits and eat all around you – leading to inevitable weight gain, or;
  2. Think to yourself “OK, so it’s still not visible that I’ve lost any weight, but that’s ok. I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing because I HAVE been feeling healthier and guilt-free with my healthier food choices. It’s already starting to pay off, whether I can see it or not.”

I’ll be entirely honest with you – my general reaction is normally number 1. I’m the kind of person who goes for a long walk, drinks 2 litres of water and expects to have lost 2lbs the following day. So unrealistic and part of the reason why I ditched my weighing scales! Obsessing over numbers is so unhealthy if you have any form of disordered eating. The jury is out at the moment as to whether weekly weighing is recommended for ED sufferers due to that obsession. My therapist tells me once a week is sufficient, yet some people on a Facebook support group are very much ‘anti-weighing’. They say that using the scales trigger negative behaviours, period. I would say it’s a matter of personal preference and wouldn’t push either opinion on anyone; you have to do what works for you without any form of setback.

Totally off-topic, where has the sun gone??? I bet it’s havin’ a blast over in Dublin while us westies put up with maximum cloud cover! Pffft! At least the sky ain’t leaking 😉

Well the dog’s gonna take me for a walk now. That’s the joy (one of many) of having her; she needs it just as much as I do! Afterwards I’ll make my own version of a BLT sandwich. I’ve no tomatoes…

Peace, love & positive vibes for the day



Thursday Blues?

I never have Monday blues ‘cos I’m a saddo who loves going into Donegal town for my childcare course! Ha! So when the school week (Mon-Wed) is over I kinda feel stuck. I have a new steamer that my fantastic in-laws bought us for our anniversary, so I’m tempted to steam the whole house 😀

My food today has been fairly basic – I had aldi malted Wheaties for breakfast with some pukka cinnamon tea, some blueberries & fat free yoghurt for my morning snack & ham, mixed leaves & coleslaw sandwiches for lunch. I feel like I’m missing something though. This is a bad time for me because if I don’t stop and think about what I’m doing then I could quite easily mess up my day by eating too much of the wrong things…

What do you do when you feel like that? How do you stop yourself from messing up a perfectly good day? I think the best thing for me to do is pop the harness on the pooch and take her for a good 4K walk. The weather here is gorge, so why waste it?? I’ll have a pint of water when I get back and that’ll give my body the feeling that I’m full {I Hope}

Time to cheer up & move my butt!

An Intro For You… :)

Ah, here goes! I’m so excited to start this blog! I’ve been following the wonderful fitness blogger Momfitnessdiary for a couple of months now and I’ve been so inspired by her nutrition tips and motivation for fitness. She’s on her own journey, like so many of us, and has achieved so much to date! I feel that now I need to explain my slant on the whole nutrition/weight loss ‘thing’ because it’s not the ‘norm’. I’ve thought a lot about whether I should actually be open about it and I’ve come to the conclusion that, yes, I’m not on my own. It’s nothing to ashamed of, yet a lot of people don’t want to talk openly about it because there’s still a huge stigma attached to eating disorders/disordered eating (there is a difference, believe it or not!) I feel that by sharing my journey and the struggles I face around food on a daily basis, I might just be able to help a handful of people who feel lost, or at their wits’ end because no diet seems to work for them! Yo-yo dieting is never going to work, because a yo-yo will always come back up…just think about that for a second!

So, backwards as ever, I’ll introduce myself now! I’m Nicole (I respond to Nic and occasionally Nicola too) and I’ve just turned 30. I’ve struggled with my weight for about 12 years but I know that my bad eating habits have been there most of my life. Some of my earliest memories include staying with my grandparents and helping myself to ice-cream for breakfast. Yup, breakfast. I was up early & they were up late so it was always a kind of free-for-all when I was there. Thinking back, that’s when I learned how to be sneaky with food. Quickly and quietly getting what I wanted, eating it & hiding the evidence before anyone else saw.

I guess, looking back, I was just lucky that I wasn’t an overweight child – it was as if I woke up the day I turned 18 and discovered extra rolls of fat. I was always quite bored and lonely so food & the telly were my best friends. That habit and relationship has stuck with me, along with the excess weight and all the nasty stuff that comes along with it. My behaviour with food and sneakiness has gotten progressively worse over the past 5-6 years. My husband didn’t have any idea what was happening because I was so good at hiding the food and disposing of the evidence. I perfected the art of sneakery. That’s so not a word so I’m claiming it as my own! 😀

I read about EDs at when my husband came home one day and told me he’d heard a radio interview where this woman was talking about her problems; he said she sounded just like me (I’d only just told him about my behaviours so it was pretty fresh in his mind). I sought help with my GP and was referred to an Eating Disorders Therapist. That was 2 years ago and she helped a bit, but not enough. I think she was more experienced with Anorexia & Bulimia Nervosa, so having a 28 year old who couldn’t stop eating cr@p was like a new thing for her! I saw her for 3 months and managed to gain 11lbs over that time. Go me!!

Now I’m seeing a CBT therapist and she is AMAZING! She keeps me grounded when I feel like giving up. She talks me through my negative thoughts and HELPS me see where they’re coming from and how I can look at things differently. She’s also helped me see that low moods & anxiety trigger emotional eating. It sounds simple when I say it like that, like Duh, but when you tackle the moods, and PLAN AHEAD, the eating kinda looks after itself.

Mental Health Issues NO LONGER HAVE A STIGMA ATTACHED. Of course there are small minded people out there but don’t mind them! ASK FOR HELP! You are NOT alone…xxx

This blog will cover my journey – the good, the bad and the downright ugly. I want to raise awareness for Binge Eating, Overeating & Other Eating Disorders.

I’m also hoping this will help me as an individual. I’ve got about 6-7 stone to lose and I need inspiration too. I don’t weigh myself at home as I’m obsessive about the numbers and I don’t follow weight loss groups/fad diets as they trigger emotional eating and relapses. I’m not a gym member as the feeling of being the ‘fat girl among skinnies’ is too overwhelming for me at the moment, so I pound the roads with my darling dog and do my own interval exercises at home. Maybe when I feel a bit better I’ll take on the gym, but for now I’m doing what feels right for me.

I’d love to hear from any of you who are currently struggling. Either with anxiety/depression or weight issues. I want to help as best I can. Xx